"Good afternoon, director Brad Bird. The situation is this: The economy is still in the dumps. People are spending money on jumbo bundles of ramen instead of going to see The Sitter. The 3-D thing doesn't seem to be the draw it once was, the Harry Potter series has been spooled out to the very end of the reel and, really, how much longer will folks actually pay to see Transformers flicks? I'm sure you can appreciate the terrible peril in which the movie industry finds itself. And while we thought for a moment about producing a thoughtful, original, big-budget blockbuster, wiser heads prevailed and decided that what moviegoers really need is another sequel.

"Mission: Impossible was a natural choice.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create something that feels fresh and exciting while using the same franchise tropes and lines that date back to the late 1960s. Create a plot using the studio's patented script-o-matic device and input the following variables: 'rogue Russians,' 'Dubai,' 'nuclear war' and 'explosions.' Make sure you add several exclamation marks after that last one. And be sure to incorporate a number of super-cool gadgets, death-defying stunts (maybe have your hero run down the side of a skyscraper or something).

"In the interest of time, we've assembled your team for you: Tom Cruise will, naturally, star—reprising his role as superspy Ethan Hunt. He will be assisted by up-and-comer Jeremy Renner (we're grooming him to become the focal point of the series once Cruise no longer looks good sans shirt), beautiful Paula Patton and quirky British comic Simon Pegg.

"Brad, we know this is your first live-action film, but don't sweat it. We spoke with the Secretary about your work on Ratatouille and The Incredibles, and he's confident you can tell a good story. In fact, he's hoping you can actually tune up this vehicle a bit.

"Oh, and speaking of cars, we almost forgot to tell you that we've signed a weighty product-placement contract with BMW. The script-o-matic will build that in if you input the word 'shill.'

"Good luck, Brad. You're on your own now. If the movie tanks, the studio will disavow any knowledge of actually hiring you. This message will self-destruct in five seconds."

:: Review
Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol has its share of content concerns. Characters kill and die and lie and sometimes behave very badly. But since the films doesn't push its PG-13 rating, it somehow feels, as far as actioners go, relatively clean. The bullets fly with alarming frequency, but harsh profanity is restricted to a single s-word and a finger gesture. Bombs go off, but clothes stay on. Some of what we hear Ethan did is troubling. But what we actually see him do is better, content-wise, than anything we absorb from Jason Bourne or James Bond these days.

Brad Bird succeeded in his mission: He made a decades-old franchise feel fresh and exciting, even while staying true to its roots and tropes. He crafted a film that, while not nearly as innocent as, say, The Incredibles, still seems to keep (at least partially) in mind that kids do go to see this stuff.

Not that they necessarily should.

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