The panel of judges at the Miss Kenya beauty pageant seems to disobey Western tastes!  To date, only Yolanda Masinde (Miss Kenya 2000) managed to become a Miss World semi- finalist.  The world perpetually expresses displeasure in Kenya’s publicly cherished treasure.  Thus, each culture has a pervading popular opinion on what is considered beautiful. 

In light of this, every male aged between 26 and 35 years is sure of the combination of female qualities that please him. This feeling gives men confidence, to the extent that they ascribe worth to their taste when compared with something else.  Eventually, what is undesirable becomes worthless to us; drawing gross indifference. 

When we feel that something is real and true, the process of deciding the value of something or somebody begins.  We start considering the values of somebody with what is easy or difficult to obtain i.e., regarded highly by normal belief.  “We build our beliefs through our own experiences or inherit them from our family or culture [tribe].  Unless challenged, we are often not even aware of them.  They simply appear to us as just ‘normal’ or the way things are” says Angus Murray, a professional counselor working for Tearfund as Regional Conflict Policy officer for Sudan.

When we have a very high opinion of ourselves, we estimate our worth highly.  Slowly, we become completely taken up by our interests and thoughts.  We become interested chiefly in ourselves and our own affairs.  We only think of our welfare, as we have no thought of others.  Eventually, we become unaware of others, as we end up having strong opinions (values) not firmly based.  Once core values are established, they influence our attitudes, and begin to motivate us.  An inward transformation takes place and begins to manifest in our behavior.

Consequently, we become self- assertive, domineering, self- absorbed, proud, intolerant and tactless.  When our habitual actions are not examined or compared in order to learn whether they are correct, they cause division, suspicion and hatred.  As a result, no sympathy is reciprocated to us when we are in trouble.  Other people do not understand us when we are undergoing persecution or trials.

When you realize that you have caused tension, division and conflict:  First, do a self- analysis.  Bal Kumari Gurung, a United Mission to Nepal advocacy advisor for conflict transformation work says “this will help you to understand your own faults and the part you played in the conflict.”  Secondly, cultivate a modest self- opinion.  Do not put yourself to shame by lowering your dignity or self- respect.  Simply apologize if need be, and uphold a moderate opinion of yourself.  

Thirdly, demonstrate concern for others.  Begin showing thoughtfulness, sympathy, and love to those you hurt.  Discuss with them how to settle the problem.  Finally, learn to love. You may not like everyone, but Romans 13: 8-10 commands you to love everyone - demonstrate warmth, kind feelings, and send an affectionate greeting even if you dislike each other. 

About The Author John Kigada is a freelance writer and columnist. He is a youth minister and graduate of the East Africa School of Theology.

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