Love and marriage, love and marriage, Go together like a horse and carriage
This I tell you brother, You can’t have one without the other…- Frank Sinatra

Having recently joined this beautiful bandwagon called marriage, I was eager to know what keeps a marriage going and what keeps the couple happy. So on visiting my parents recently, I asked them what keeps them together to date - It’s been four decades! My dad summarised it in one word…..commitment.

Other than that, I think consideration too plays a role. You have to care for your spouse and do a lot of forgiving and forgetting. It’s a two-way street and it’s for keeps.

Well, reality has something else to offer. If you read the tabloids or even watch the sitcoms or whatever media is pumped into you, you realize my dad’s worldview and that which is on offer are poles apart. We’re a microwave generation. Instant, instant, instant!

I remember reading a story about an elderly couple whose family had thrown a golden anniversary party for them. The husband was deeply touched by their kindness and stood to thank them. Then he looked at his wife of 50 years and tried to put into words just how he felt about her. Lifting his glass he said: "My dear wife, after 50 years I've found you tried and true." Everyone smiled their approval, but not his wife. She had hearing trouble, so she cupped one hand behind an ear and said, "Eh?" Her husband repeated himself loudly, "AFTER FIFTY YEARS I'VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!" His wife shot back, "Well, let me tell YOU something — after 50 years I’m tired of you, too!"

Thankfully, commitment doesn't need to be like that. Marriage is not a life sentence; it is a joyful privilege. A missionary doctor, Paul Brand, who worked for many years among leprosy victims in India, said these challenging words: "As I enter my sixth decade of marriage I can say without a flicker of hesitation that the basic human virtue of faithfulness to one partner is the most joyful way of life … I have always trusted my wife completely, and she me. We have each been able to channel love and commitment and intimacy to one person — a lifelong investment that is now, in old age, paying rich dividends."

I look at my Mom and Dad and I have never doubted their commitment to each other. What kept them committed? Simple obedience to the One with whom they had the most important relationship of all.

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1). Mom told me one day, "Only with Christ at the center of our marriage, at the center of our home, at the center of everything we do, can we experience the greatest joy and fulfillment possible."

Hubby and I have made a commitment to read the Bible and pray together before we go to sleep each night. We haven't always achieved that goal. But when we follow through on this simple commitment, it can make a world of difference in our marriage.

Colossians 3:12-14 says: Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

It is Christ alone who gives us the power to love others in this way.

I am far richer when I remember the three "Cs" of a great marriage: Communication. Commitment. Christ.

About The Author Columnist Wachera Maina-Muchiri is a broadcast journalist currently working with an international organisation. She is also a member of the Kisima award winning group Voices United Choir (VUC).

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