First though, a short detour: on an extremely recent Sunday, I decided I wouldn’t go to church, at least not physically. I had convinced myself to sleep in, and meet up with Joel Osteen on his Sunday morning service (yap, on TV!). However, something beyond me prompted me to jump in the shower and make it in time to church at the very last minute.

The praise and worship session was awesome, but it was when we came to the word that it dawned on me why I had to be there. The message was that we could be doing God’s work without God in it! Gosh! How?! When we are just physically moving around, doing (many) things but not talking to God, we soon find ourselves having a burn out! In church, at work, at home, even in our relationships!

True, we are supposed to work hard, to succeed, to overcome, to conquer. But if it’s in HIS will, then we shouldn’t sweat it, because it now becomes negative struggle and all about us.

Now back to the war and paradox bit: What is it that we really want? Need? Do these fall under the bracket of desire? Should we fight and struggle for our desires? That verse that says “...and HE shall give us the desires of our hearts”, does that mean that we are entitled to the fulfillment of every one of our desires?

In every one of us there is the kid, a truly beautiful part of our nature; only until the kid throws a tantrum when our father in heaven tells us NO! Or asks us to WAIT! We have all heard this in one sermonette or the other but for now, please indulge me.

Seated here at my desk, I deeply wish I could have an Apple laptop or even better, the Mac Book Air or Pro, or even better… well, let me stop there.  I have prayed, wished, prayed again for this beautiful toy to drop down from heaven. There is not one day I have not thought about that beauty.  Especially just thinking about how much easier my life would be (or so I think) - I could access my office work, hand in deadlines on time, keep my biashara moving flawlessly.

My father in heaven seems to have a whole different set up where His will is concerned. I know He needs me to wait for His go ahead, but the child in me wants it NOW!!!!!!

I think we have all gone through such phases every now and then, even knowing Jeremiah 29:11 -17 “For I Know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you...”. The human nature in us still wants to overlook that peace-filling verse and demand for our desires to be met here and now!!

In trying to create the balance, the paradox arises fiercely. We have deep seated desires.  On one end there is the desire to listen and obey the will of God, on the other, we desire to rule the world our way.

Again, if you indulge me, we could tackle this push and pull physics phenomenon together. Let us go out hence with a simple mind and heart, desiring more and more of Jesus and less and less of ourselves. If that does not do the trick, let’s convene here to seek HIM again.

About The Author Carol Wambui, the newest addition to Mwafrika.com's feature writers, describes herself as a 'free spirit in an introverted personality' and a 'work in progress'. She enjoys observing (life) and could laugh all day!

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