Columnist Wachera Maina is a broadcast journalist currently working with an international organisation. She is also a member of the Kisima award winning group Voices United Choir (VUC).

Back in the day, dating and courtship seemed to dominate a lot of the guys’ thoughts. I’m not too sure about now.

Finding that one true love - the woman of their dreams - was the ultimate life's goal that would take up almost every young guy's time, resources (he'd better be the one paying) and especially his energy. Guys would spend every waking moment ensuring that every conversation they potentially had with a member of the opposite sex was pre-mediated and practiced in the confines of the shower. They’d make sure that every hair on their head was perfectly placed to catch the attention of that special someone. They’d work very hard to ensure that they had the right appearance, the right career path and the right life ambitions to attract the right women. However, beneath all of the outer layers, did these men have the right hearts when it came to dating and courtship?

We live in a society where we are bombarded with deceptive views of what being a man is all about. If a relationship does not work to our benefit, we feel it should be ended. Promiscuous sex is portrayed as acceptable, and immediate sexual gratification a natural right. Society teaches us that being a good father means paying child support and scheduling time to spend with his children as long as it does not conflict with his busy schedule. Hence, guys are running away from responsibility and seeking only their selfish ambition.

So many of the Christian guys desire to be men of integrity and sexual purity, but countless numbers of them seem to be falling into the traps of this world and of the enemy. The question is, "How do I go about living my life in a way that honors God, my future wife and shows my children the character of a Godly man?" Although there are many answers to this question, we can focus on the primary issue. Becoming a man who honors God, his mate and a man who portrays a Godly example to his children is a matter of the heart.

In Matthew 5:27-28, in delivering his sermon on the mount, says:

"You have heard that it was said 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Jesus focused on preventative measures. The focus of this portion of the Scripture is not about adultery, but rather, lust. Christ is telling His disciples that the sins which are atrocious and hurtful begin within the heart of a man.

It is important that we take the words of Christ seriously and begin to search our hearts. Uncontrolled lust as a young, single person is the true beginning of sexual unfaithfulness in future marriage relationships. If you do not trust God to help you deal with lust before you enter into a marriage covenant, then there is a much greater chance that you will allow the enemy and the world to tempt you into adultery after the vows are taken, dishonoring God as well as potentially devastating your marriage.

What is wonderful about this passage is that Christ not only tells His disciples what the origin of the problem is, He also teaches them practical means to overcome it. He says in verses 29-30: "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." What is Christ saying here? That people should cut out of their lives whatever causes them to give in to their lusts.

The question that we need to ask ourselves is: "What is causing me to give in to the lust of my flesh?" Each will have a different answer. However, the result must be the same: the need to get rid of it. If you are struggling with sexual purity, you need to take drastic measures to cut the source of your struggle out of your life as much as you can. With the help of the Holy Spirit, you can take the step of avoiding whatever opportunities there are to fall into temptation. This may mean destroying or discarding magazines, ending relationships, whatever it takes to help you get as far away from the devastating consequences of sexual sin as possible.

You also need to find someone (another godly person, if you are single) to whom you will be accountable so that you can continue to steer clear of danger. It is a small price to pay for avoiding eternal condemnation and having a closer walk with the Lord. He will honor you for your effort, and you can take comfort in knowing that you will be truly prepared for a lasting relationship that is based on genuine intimacy.

We are in dire need of strong young people who are not afraid to stand for integrity and sexual purity, whose hearts long to honor their God and their future wives/husbands, and to be a godly example to their children.

It is time that we young people become the leaders we were meant to be in our society and it is time for us to proclaim the good news of Christ through the actions in our lives, which will speak more loudly than words ever will.

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